The fabulous life

Fac curat

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on September 8, 2009

Si sterg inclusiv drafturile care mi se strang fara sa vreau. Din 16 mai am 4. One is stupid and will be lost on the way. One is just a list of things. Here are the other two.

Entry for 11/05/2009

Azi a fost asa si asa cu averse ocazionale din asta.

Entry for 30/05/2009

Constat ca sunt lucruri pe care nu le pot discuta cu nimeni. Pe care nu le pot scrie nici aici. Pentru ca sunt chestii la care revin metodic, mecanic, obsesiv, cu dedicarea unui masochist, delicatetea unui sadic si indarjirea unui obsessive-compulsive. Si ma indoiesc ca cineva ar avea rabdare sa ma asculte vorbind despre acelasi subiect mai mult de 5 ori. And because, when hearing this, my one true friend would say he told me so and he’d be right…he did. And I don’t like it when other people are right.
Now open wide and swallow. Pride, ego, feelings, everything…

Filament

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on August 23, 2009

bathroom_lightbulb_by_empty_space

Te aprinzi si stralucesti si ma atragi. Cand esti in starea asta nu se mai vede nimic in jur. Nu luminezi, intuneci. Si iti place asa. Si imi place asa. Ma lovesc  de tine, orbeste.

Palpai si atunci dispare perfectiunea. Se vad defectele. Le stiu, le accept dar ma retrag. Pana stralucesti din nou. Si ma intreb, fara sa vreau, cand o sa te arzi.

Photo credits

I’m curious…

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on June 20, 2009

Does everyone have a disfunctional family?

A matter of introspection

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on May 27, 2009

Ma uit la persoana asta, in casa careia stau de atata timp, si…nu simt nimic. Not love, nor hate and definitely not gratitude. Maybe a little annoyance for disturbing my lifestyle. How dare she come back and reclame this place after all this time? I kept it warm, I loved here and I was broken here, I’ve learned all it’s cracks and lent it my scent. So doesn’t that make it a little bit mine?

Apparently not. I smile again. I nod. I’m 3 quarters on the inside and 1 quarter out.

Sociopaths 101 completed successfully.

Tread lightly

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on May 14, 2009

Ieri vroiam sa-mi urle muzica in urechi. Mult mai tare decat volumul maxim al iPod-ului care nu era in stare sa-mi satisfaca nevoia de decibeli. Vroiam sa merg pe strada in ritm de Rammstein, Saliva sau The Cure. Sa aud cum striga Trent “get down, make love” fix in centrul Clujului. Sa atrag priviri in trenciul meu alb-murdar, aratand ca picata dintr-un film cu Bogart in slinosul si sufocantul 25. Asta a fost ieri.

Azi, in schimb, vreau liniste. Vreau cel mult soapte. Vreau sa se paseasca tiptil, in varful degetelor, in jurul meu. Vreau cafeaua mea preferata, cu scortisoara si frisca, sa stau ghemuita intr-un fotoliu si sa ascult pe cineva vorbind. Despre orice. Ascult. Sunt atenta chiar daca nu te privesc. Iar la sfarsit stii perfect ca tu te vei simti mai bine si-mi vei spune, ca altii, ca “I’m such a good listener”. That’s because no one took the time hear you talk.

Don’t worry, I’ll be back to you, music, but for now…just shhhh. :)

Ganduri de noapte

Posted in Café de la Musique, Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on May 9, 2009

E trecut de 23 si m-a apucat dispozitia creativa. Se intampla destul de des la orele astea, cand mintea e ceva mai libera. Am chef de scris. Nu mult, nu esee, dar ceva mai mult decat un gand. Am gasit (inca) un concept destul de fain pentru o fotografie. Now I only need someone to help me carry a bathtub around town. :P And the camera, of course.

Anyway, vroiam de ceva timp sa fac un bash Madonna post. Asta pentru ca sunt silita sa-i vad coapsele imbracate in ciorapi plasa prin oras, ca forma de promovare pentru concertul ei. De care nu sunt deloc interesata. Am eu ideea asta stupida despre cum e sa imbatranesti frumos  si femeia asta o violeaza in mod constant. Yeah, I read her story. No, I’m not impressed.  Sex, drugs & rock’n’roll pretty pop have their age.  50 is not it. Coz raman unele urme, pe care nici bisturiul celui mai priceput chirurg nu le poate scoate.  In plus,  inteleg ca la varsta aia o femeie vrea sa se simta dorita in continuare. It’s in our nature to be needy and cling to people and ask “do you love me?” 1000 times and still not be satisfied with the answer.  Dar sa-i dai cu piciorul idiotul care ti-a fost alaturi 7 ani  (sorry Guy, loved Snatch anyway) for a whim…that’s just not kosher.

In schimb sunt destul de entuziasmata de festivalul Peninsula de anul asta. Vin Nine Inch Nails, Prodigy si Blondie. And I really feel like going. Destul de ironic avand in vedere ca acum jumatate de an, habar nu aveam cine sunt NIN.  Some people can still teach us good things. :) Va las cu ce ascult pe moment de la ei. Nu Closer, nu The Perfect Drug, ci un cover: Get down, make love.

Note to self: ffs, get moving and do that audio cd already.

Just a thought

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on May 3, 2009

Today I wanted to hug you. Say nice things, ask if you’re ok, encourage you and pick your brain for hours. I forget we’re on rehab.
It’s hard looking from afar. It’s even harder being near.
I’ll shut the hell up now.
Here’s a big one for you: 6

Timp

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on April 25, 2009

Hai sa ma joc cu tine, timp. Let me push your buttons a bit. Fast forward pana la urmatoarea zi de salar, si urmatoare si urmatoarea pana strang suma aia insignifianta pentru altii dar atat de importanta pentru mine. Rewind to forget a bad memory, skip forward to when/where a good one is created. But in all this rush, I seem to forget how to enjoy myself now.

Reality is setting in

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on March 30, 2009

So, a trecut o luna. Rezultate:

 

I’m tired.

 

I’m bored.

 

I’m pissed off.

 

Sunt resemnata.

 

Never ever actually begins to feel like never ever. And to hurt a bit less each day.

 

Anyway, nu mai vreau sa vorbesc. I wanna move on with my life and not bitch about all this sentimental stuff. I wanna enjoy all the things I did before. One day at a time, just like always.

I’m stupid

Posted in Mellon Collie has the blues by daianara on March 11, 2009

So I couldn’t help myself and I texted you yesterday. Relaxed, jokingly asking if we’re still at the not talking to each other phase. I think it was decent, filled with common sense and reeking with caring. You never replied.

The upper side: I feel so superior to you right now.